|
05:56 pm
[Link] |
Boys Best Friend; The White Stripes
I just don't fit in this place
Their thoughts cast me out of here
Their home has run out of space
My mind's already out of here
Won't you come along, dear?
Won't you come along?
Words that are spoke alone
Phrases you will never hear
Empty rooms and a telephone
That I will never use
Never fear
I am all alone, dear
I am all alone
My dogs come sit next to me
A pack of dogs and cigarettes
My only friends speak no words to me
But they look at me and they don't forget
That a boy's best friend
Is his mother or whatever has become his pet
|
|
03:29 pm
[Link] | I hungover, in an internet cafe. Uhg. I drank way to much last night and I think I threw up cause my mouth tasted like it this morning. Ew.
I'll be back soon everyone. This saturday infact. If anyone can get in touch with rachel for me and give her my number to call me after I get back that would be awesome.
I want to go home but I also want to stay. I'd much rather just have friends and family come here and me stay where I am. I like it here too much. I can walk around barefoot all I want, go to almost any public swimming place and be au natural while I'm there. I like that and the fact that I can drink and smoke here, too. Even though I'm supposed to be 18 to drink. *shrugs* oh well.
I'll see everyone soon.
Fritz aka Haze
Current Location: Prauge, CZ
Current Mood:  tired
Current Music: Jethro Tull
|
|
02:44 pm
[Link] | Wow I didn't realize Chris, one of the people who I haven't talked to in a long while, is the only person who still reads this.
Hrm it could be that I just ended it kinda dumb-like.
Oh well, whatever.
I'm in Novy Jicin now. Our 5 day hiking journey was ruined due to heavy rain and no one wanting to hike in a constant downpour. So we hiked two of five days and my ass hurts. Must be from all the up and down of the ridges.
I really want to get back to States though I really want to stay with my dad, too. Just thinking about not being able to see him for almost another year bring tears to my eyes.
Guess I'm just a baby.
Well at least he'll be there for my graduation and all of you can meet him if you'd like. He's cool shit.
Well I'm leaving in a little more than two weeks so I'll be home soon. Bryce, I'm picking up your bottle as soon as I get back to Prauge. To anyone else that I said I'd get absynth for, I'm sorry but I ran into some money trouble and I can only get two bottles of it (one for me one for Bryce), sorry.
Well I'm out.
Peace.
Fritzman
Current Location: Novy Jicin
Current Mood:  bouncy
Current Music: The Mars Volta
|
|
02:57 pm
[Link] | Well I'm back in Prauge. It's quite fun here for not having any friends my age and only being able to meet people that are 20 and older. *shrugs* But I'm really looking foward to sharing this with a couple of my friends next year and maybe meeting up with a couple others if they're gonna make it. Who knows, I don't.
So Loni and I are talking again.... sorta. I don't know how well I'll be friends with her again because of so much that has happened.
Hrm... what else... Oh there's this cool weekend music festival that I'm going to next weekend and that should be alot of fun (booze, music, etc.).
Urm... I kinda miss my friends.
Damn it.
It's kinda boring that when i'm actually able to drink I don't have anyone to go out with other than my dad and Misa but they're fun too.
Ok I'm out.
Leave me comments if ya love me.
~Seth~
|
|
08:12 am
[Link] |
I update.... after some time.
So I guess I'm updating for the first time in a long while.
The girl that I loved and who said she'd be ther to help me with any problems I had has completely stopped talking to me because I told her what was wrong... her. All I wanted was were answers, because there was no solution with her. Whatever. Fuck her then. I'm planning on jumping her Skinhead friend too cause he's a filthy Nazi punk. Anyways on to lighter subjects.
Apparently I can have people over after 4. I dunno now though. Bill found me going on the computer so *Shrugs* I'm hoping I'm still allowed.
Court date is next week on wed, after which I have a therapy appointment. Wohoo. They're dropping the transporting charge but ut I'll still get fined, I just get to keep my license.
I'm fucking lonely. I crave human contact. I really need a good cuddle where someone curls up around me and makes me feel safe, telling me it's alright. I'm depressed because I haven't had a fufilling relationship in way too long and no sexual contact for a year and a half on top of that. I'm addicted to it and it's like going through permanent withdrawls, it kinda sucks.
I haven't been sleeping regularly, hell I haven't been to bed in the last 54 hours. D: I don't think that healthy but I feel awake, even if bodily tired.
I've decided I'm going to stop wearing shoes for the most part. I'll walk barefoot from now on, it's healthier.
I went for a walk late last night to early this morning in the rain completely nude. I just stripped down and walked out of my house, past my neighbor's house and into the woods nude, with only a flashlight. It was really fun and I was surprised that I didn't get any ticks. I think I'm going to do that again sometime through the field for sod they have down the road. I wouldn't mind becoming a nudist.
I'm too tired and lazy to check/remember if I mentioned this already but I leave for Prague next friday at 9:50pm.
It's gonna be a 7 hour flight with a small 1:30 hour change in the Frankfurt Int. Airport where i'll sit in a pub and drink beer before getting on my plane.
I really need a full body massage, like badly. My muscles are always so tense.
I've been losing alot of weight over the last couple of months. March I weighed 243 now I weight 223.5, which I'm quite fond of. my goal is to reach about 190 over the summer. It'll be weird because all my clothes are gonna look really baggy.
Well I don't have anything else to say...
Fritz
PS
Ask me 6 questions, no matter how personal, inappropriate, random, sexual, etc.
I'll asnswer them truthfully.
|
|
09:54 am
[Link] |
Bout that time, 'eh chaps?
It doesn't end, it just piles up.
I'm kinda swinging back into that state up dreary self pity and depression that I've been in for most of this year, it kinda sucks.
I'm continually having weird dreams about my friends and it's a little disheartening when all it is, is sex and killing. I really wish I could have a deep emotional dream, but then again I don't think I'd want to wake up if I really did.
It's day three and I already don't like my job. But I guess that's why they call it a job and not a hobby.
I've come to the realization that I'm going to be alone for good portions of my life. I'm awkward around people and my mind has a tendency to wander so I say things that are completely wrong for the subject at hand.
I've noticed I've been really good with eye contact lately and only three people I know keep continual eye contact with those they're talking to.
I continually come back to the fact that someone's put an emotional roadblock in front of me and I'm not going to be able to get over it without her help, which kinda sucks.
So my life snowballs again and I'm waiting for the crecendo to wear it explode brilliantly against the wall, in which I will then lose everything again.
About that time, 'eh chaps?
Right ho.
|
09:53 am
[Link] | Don't make promises you can't keep.
Don't say you're going to do something and then not do it.
Please don't lie to me.
Please don't leave without saying goodbye.
Please don't think I'm something I'm not.
Don't think I don't care.
Don't say you love me if you don't truely mean it.
Please don't lead me on.
Don't hate me before you get to know me.
Please don't leave me when I need you the most.
I'm really not that strong, standing on the last leg of my heart. This next one could do it. It's tearing me apart. But I'm a fool for thinking any of this could be real. I guess I'll keep on standing. Only this pain is real. Don't let me think something's going to happen when it's not. We're only friends, not lovers apart. And when you come back to me to see if I still wait, you'll find a pile of dusty bones with your name engraved on the inside of the skull.
|
|
12:33 pm
[Link] | Could someone tell me who's part of the DYC this time around?
...Please?
|
|
11:54 pm
[Link] |
Thought I should include a picture
|
11:46 pm
[Link] | I cut my hair.
.
..
...
....
...
..
.
I look sexy.
.
..
...
....
...
..
.
I donated my hair to Locks of Love. From the ponytail knot back it was 11 inches.
I'm think I'm going to keep it short for a while.
Oh by the way, it was my parents forcing me to cut my hair. They said anywhere from shoulder length to ear length was fine with them.
I said fuck you, if you're making me cut my hair I might as well chop it all off.
Too bad they were happy about that.
But I still think my hair cut is damn sexy.
Makes me look a little older too...
|
|
09:39 pm
[Link] | Well sorry that last entry was so freaking short, my mom practically walked into me while I was writing it. Yeah, fun fun. However I feel obligated to at least try to write something on here when I can because I miss all of you that I don't get to see everyday at school.
Well
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
I lost my train of thought.... shit.
Whatever, at least I wrote something in here. Give me a call between 3-4pm peeps! I'm still at home biznatches!
|
|
05:51 pm
[Link] |
Goodbye cruel world, it's over, walk on by.
Well I thought I should start off this journal entry off with the Pink Floyd line from The Wall that I love so much. (also the end part of that line is, yes, my Myspace name.)
So I guess I should finally inform the masses as to why I haven't been on the internet lately and still won't be untill report cards.
Sigh.
So the Seth-man/Purple Haze/Emo/Insert-your-nickname-for-me-here hasn't been on because Feb. 9th he was arrested for shoplifting. Yeah, I know. It was wicked stupid. I learned my lesson but my mom and step-dad are keeping me grounded untill I have a C or better in all of my classes come reportcard time.
|
|
02:44 am
[Link] | You never live life untill you live it alone. Just because you have a significant other doesn't mean that's what life is. Don't rationalize your exsistance through someone else. That's the easy way out that everyone looks for today.
|
02:20 am
[Link] |
What does sex mean to me?
Well sitting awake at 2:20am. I've been having a convorsation with this girl who's 16 as well and we started talking about sex because it's what's on the mind of all teenagers. Well we got to talking about what she likes to do with her boyfriend though they haven't really had sex yet and I told her about my childhood mellowdrama and she just sort of took it in stride, which I admired that she was one of the few people who just sort of nodded and talked about it with me for a couple of minutes. Very few people actually do that. Most of the time they find out what happened and they just kind of nod like they're confused at how I talk about it so nonchalontly now. Well it did happen 11-12 years ago. *shrugs* So I've mad clear what sex means to me and what I think it means to a majority of other people.
Sex to me is only carnal gratification. I don't think it's important unless it's with someone you consider close to you or a loved one. I'm talking about people you connect with on an emotional and mental level. It's something to do to pass the time with other people that I don't particularly care about as friends or just as people. Now I'm not saying I would do such a thing but I would if I was in the mood at the time I guess. Sex for me is something that I do with close friends and with people I love, no one else(unless like I said earlier). If I'm dating someone and I'm not in love with them but I do consider them close it makes a connection with me. If I do it with someone I consider close but not dating it deepens my trust with them a little more because we've exchanged fuilds and they've had a taste of the anchor that keeps me on earth. I guess I'm just trying to say, keep it with friends that can handle it, don't try to go find a stranger that doesn't and will never care for you. It means something to those close to you and no one else. I doubt I was very clear with my point. Maybe I should go to bed lol. Well g'night.
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: Lemon Demon; Lemon Demon
|
|
09:06 pm
[Link] |
The epic battle between Apollonia and Seth begins period H tomorrow
So yeah, it's been decided between Loni and I that we'll talk tomorrow in the cafe during period H. todd will be to referee this word fight. I'm kinda scared because she's the only person since i live in Dracut other than Josh B. to make me reach my snapping point. I havwe getting out of contorl like that because I act like such an asshole and every muscle in my body tightens ready to hit something. My hope is that Todd doesn't try to stop the argument or put in some comments or anything. I like Todd as a friend. I consider him one of my closest even if I don't know him that well just yet. If I have to loose any friend then I just want it to be her. So yeah. We'll be talking about a bunch of shit tomorrow and I doubt she'll be able to stand the whole thing. I'll probally piss her off and then she'll walk away and Todd'll be pissed at me. I want to know her and why she did what she did, what her reasons were. I can only hate her if I don't see why she rationalized that as the correct thing to do.
Current Mood:  angry
Current Music: Fuck this World
|
|
11:31 pm
[Link] | I don't want it for the reasons most people want it. I don't want to rationalize my exsistance with it. Most of the time when I'm actually near it I'm too afraid to be around it.
Ever since the last one there's just been this big gaping hole. A hole that I don't have enough materials to cover yet. A hole that I'll never truely have back. Just some pink scar tissue.
So I go around think about things that'll make me forget about it. They don't work. And I knew they wouldn't before I even tried filling the hole with it. Only time can heal. Except it doesn't want o be healed, it wants to be filled.
No one will ever fill that hole the way it was the first time.
It's like trying to put a large square through a medium circle hole. It just doesn't work.
I might sever all ties with the one I used to call out for in the middle of the night while I was deep in my own world. I place where I was happy to be with her. Just to talk to her. Just to see, to smell her scent, or to touch hands.
Too bad it was fantasy and that picture of who should be there is blurred. It's out of focus and no matter what I try to do I can never see it clearly. I have forgoten the old face and memories, or at least try as hard as I can to. It'll always be there but who is to be here other than one half of myself. I live two lives and don't even know the other. I'm shut out from it.
I wish people would stop saying 'I Love You' as if those three words didn't matter. They're just something to make someone feel better and to be wanted. Well, I don't need to be wanted. I just want to have that feeling again that there's someone I can turn too when I'm down. Someone I can bother and carry on an intelligent convorsation with. Someone to touch when my body aches for the need to touch another. Someone who I am friends with, not just a 'lover' in today's meaning of the word.
I'm also annoyed by something.... the problem is I don't know what it is that I'm annoyed at.
I hate this.
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Zelda Theme (yeah I knowit's random for what I wrote about)
|
10:21 pm
[Link] | SO Monarchs game tonight. It sucked ass. Keith (no not kiwi keith) and I got a little talking in about some random stuff like video, music, my stepsister, and stereotypical people. I also noticed how consumer~ish our society is today.
I mean seriously, "If the Monarchs score 4 points everyone gets free McDonalds french fries."
What mindless cattle we Americans have become that people come to the game to get drunk and yell about free french fries instead of having a good time and rooting for their team.
I really wanted to tackle the guy in the Max Monarchs suit. It's just so tempting.
I also read Yama's update today. I have to say I agree about it sounding like Steve-O. I also have to agree with the way males work in our culture. It's complete bullshit that it works that way but it really does.
I also think it's stupid that both males and females have this sort of cardboard cut-out in their mind of what the opposite sex should look like to be attractive. Whatever you find attractive should be what those stupid thoughts should be. I know I've done plenty of stupid decisions made from apperance but it's in our nature, being sight orientated entities. I hate that. All I really want to know is who the person is, not what the appear to be.
And even then what someone can appear to be may not be what they are. They think they're "fiiting in" with a clique and it's sad. It's sad that they feel they have to find a meaning to their exsistance by doing things that they don't believe in.
And what do cliques believe in? Music. Fashion. Drugs (or lack of depending on the clique). Fashion is now a barrier being breached by my generation, well at least by some of the intelligent ones. However music is not.
I'd love to continue typing but I have to use the toilet. *heart*
Hopefully I'll have something to do this weekend other than Youth Group.
Love y'all.
Bye.
Current Mood:  bored
Current Music: Ode to Crayola; Lemon Demon
|
|
12:48 am
[Link] | "Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes crimes out of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very priciples upon which our government was founded." -Abraham Lincoln
|
|
05:10 pm
[Link] |
One of the best Cons I've been to.
Well I'll do my little plus minus thingy I guess:
+Ariving with Buckets, Dan, and Mike
+Seeing Tal and Sarah and Mags, the three girls I was wicked looking foward to seeing again.
-Doing orientation at freaking 11pm
+Staying up till 5am saturday morning hanging out down stairs with people talking about random shit.
+Falling asleep on a futon (I heart futons oh so much ^_^)
-Losing my spot to the two other people on it when I went to go to the bathroom at 8am.
+Falling back asleep till 9am under a table by the kitchen
+Beakfast set up with the group (Oh I loved my touch group. It was wicked awesome and I didn't have anything planed but we got to know each other never the less)
-No SAC workshop
+Cuddling with Sarah and Mags while Bucket's workshop on globalization was going on. I loved the conversations that were going on during it even if I ws only half conscience.
+The India workshop OMG *heart* I loved it. The pictures were really pretty but the project she did was amazing. It was really awesome.
+/- Not really eating at the Con. I pretty much had pizza while I was there from the walk and that was it.
++++++WINK!
Well I'd go through it all but I don't want to. I loved this con sooo much.
Well ta ta chillens. I love y'all! ^_~
Current Mood:  chipper
Current Music: The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny; Lemon Demon
|
|
09:30 pm
[Link] | http://ebaumsworldsucks.com/
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
mansuraieru's journal